Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
