Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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