I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
