is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i came on her dog
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
