Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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