She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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