I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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