so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're a waste of cheezeits
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
