He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
