Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
