No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
