you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
