I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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