ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
