FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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