New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
