..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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