So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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