Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
