home. puking in laundry basket.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
