worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
