my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
did i just pee glitter
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
