Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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