note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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