So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
