She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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