And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
