Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This house was built for laser tag.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
