Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
