Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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