Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my shit smells like andre
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
