i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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