My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
BRING THE BAGELS
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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