I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
