Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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