I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
