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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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