we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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