Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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