and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
