phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
