White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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