How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
