??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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