I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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