Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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