The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
