Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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