I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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