i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
