I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
