He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
