Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
