Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
