did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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