What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize