Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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