Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
