I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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