That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
