Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
whose parrot is this?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
