I accidentally burped into my bong.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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