I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
