uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
