is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
