My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
