My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Someone came in the potted fern
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
