Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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