Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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