As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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