Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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