You can't motorboat a personality
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
