Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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