So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
