Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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