The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
