Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he puts the penis in happiness.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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