I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
