it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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