She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
