I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
