i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I stole a fireplace last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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