HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
