***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
