i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
